I'll be the first to admit, I don't follow through on much.  Just look at my previous blogs.  I started writing, started a diet, started a book, and never finished.  I have so many unfinished projects that need finished, that by the time I finish one, I will have been able to have finished all of them if I had had the control to complete something.

A lifestyle change is harder than anything I've ever witnessed.  People who are healthy, and fit, say it wasn't a diet that helped them, it was a complete different way of life, a lifestyle change.  Sure, you can diet and exercise until you lose 50 lbs, and you might be happy for awhile, but if you can't keep the weight off, and continue to live that healthy lifestyle, you are back to square one.

I do feel good about my finished challenges.  I really excelled with those.  I plan on starting another one soon.

I recently started talking to an old friend.  Well, really, he's my ex husbands old childhood friend, and as weird as that sounds, we're closer now than we've ever been (Not my ex, but even that relationship is probably the best its been, ever), but my ex's best friend. I know I'm just another one of many on his fast track to riches and prosperity, but if he can take me under his wing and I can do the same, I won't begrudge him any.

I don't know what made me feel that *THIS* was different, but something inside me says this is exactly the change I need.

It's called Isagenix.  Many call it a pyramid scheme, and I guess if you look at the process, it is, a pyramid so to speak.  You enroll, you bring two with you, they enroll two, and the process continues until you've earned free products, and thousands of dollars.  I believe him when he says he's making money, and I'm totally happy for him, but what instantly attracted me to this product was the "Meal replacement" appeal.  I don't eat right, period.  I usually skip breakfast, and most times lunch, and dinner is usually at a buffet, or brought home.  I've given up on home cooked meals, nobody in this house appreciates it, and anything that I make they don't like.  I'm putting my foot down on that one, and making myself a promise, and making a promise to my family.  We waste so much money and energy on eating out, and all we do is harm our bodies.  We eat so much CRAP and the toxins that are invading our bodies are slowly eating away at us, minute by minute.  I don't want to expose my kids to this anymore.   

My son, Alex, is being examined tomorrow by a physician and I am hoping to get some answers on his behavior.  A friend of mine, a mother of a cub scout that my son is friends with and goes to scouts with, agrees with me, that Alex exhibits clear signs of ADHD.   Our family has endured unrealistic behaviors, on all of our parts, and Alex deserves to live in a family that is mature, and safe, and right now we can't provide that to him without knowing what we are up against.  Alex has always danced to the beat of his own drum.  He's always had his own theme song.  I never really thought anything was wrong.  He was energetic, always on the go, never sat still.  He was up at 4am and went all day, never stopping.  I chalked it up to "boys will be boys".  It wasn't until he entered Kindergarten (after a smooth 2 years in preschool) that he started exhibiting some uneasy behavior.  Granted, his parents were divorced and he was experiencing the negatives of that divorce.  Going back and forth between us, and not wanting any of it.  He threw a tantrum every time we did our exchange.  Eventually he grew out of this, but it took years.  He was seen by a psychiatrist after 1st grade, when he had been seen by the principal in both Kindergarten and 1st grade for disruptive behavior and the inability to focus.  I still chalked it up to the divorce, and after a psychiatrist pretty much said it was us that needed to change, that we needed to keep in one place, and give him stability, we never pursued any ADD or ADHD testing. 

Fast forward 3 years and he's in 4th grade.  He had a great 2nd and 3rd grade year, even with more moving and family turmoil, but I think he outgrew the hatred of going to his dads, and learned to accept, somewhat, his fate.

I won't go into detail, but we are finally in Henderson, been here almost a year now in June, and he's reverting back to his bad behavior, ten fold.  His grades have slipped (although are slowly climbing) and he's realizing that the school system here is much harder (as am I) and he's having to focus, and work harder than ever.  We've struggled with daily meltdowns, arguments, fights, and it's contributed (but not the reason) for the break up of my relationship.  That's another can of worms I won't go into right now, but as a family we have decided to take action, and do what we should have done years ago, get Alex tested, and accept only the best, and only a result.   I won't accept, "NO" anymore.  Alex isn't able to perform to the best of his ability right now, and his illness is taking over.  I have no doubt he has ADHD.  I've researched, and researched, and he displays every symptom.  I want my boy to be free of those chains, and be able to live a normal, happy life.  He's said things that concern me, and I refuse to stand by and let him be unhappy.  

I have to be a better role model for my kids.  I want them to look up to me, and be proud of what I've accomplished.  I want it for myself.  I no longer want to hate my reflection in the mirror.

I have to follow through...

I have so many goals, however short-term, and I have to start checking them off my list.  Starting with myself, and my self worth.  I want to be healthy, completely free of inner body waste.  I'm tired of feeling weighed down by fat, and illness.  My body is sick, and it's lacking so many nutrients, that I'm probably harming my body every minute.

I broke promises to myself, I've slacked off on resolutions that I stuck with for over a year.  I need to reaffirm that commitment.

I may have relapsed, but everyone deserves another chance. I'm making promises to myself that I have to keep, not just for myself.

1) No more fast food (I did this for almost a year, and relapsed when things got tough.) I will not consume ANY fast food products (that includes Subway, Panda Express, etc)

2) NO MORE POP! (I made it three months and relapsed) No more pop allowed in the house.  I have to do everything I can to get Brian on board.  (Juice, tea, water, milk, etc OK)

3) 2 shakes and 1 regular meal EVERY DAY.  NO EXCUSES (This product Isagenix gives me a healthy and beneficial shake for breakfast and lunch which are the two main  meals that I  miss) and my dinner will be healthy, but not unreasonable.  I can't give myself unreasonable expectations that I will soon find hard to resist.

4) EXERCISE - BUT HAVE FUN!  I will NEVER be a gym addict.  I'll never do crossfit, but I can be healthy.  I'd love to start going to our FREE gym, and there's also our pool that is great for cardio.  I want to start walking around the complex, and I want to eventually get a bike and do family bike rides) I'd love to start hiking, and using weekends as a way to be active.

5) NO SUGAR!!  This house is too consumed with snacks that are high in sugar.  The kids should stop drinking capri suns, and instead we need to find a healthy alternative, whether it be water or low sugar juice.  No more candy. This house is plagued with candy, cookies, and sweets.  I'm not saying I want to completely rid the house of treats, but they can be low sugar or no sugar.  Low fat frozen yogurt is an option.  Alex would also benefit from this.  This includes high sugar containing chips as well.  The kids may be upset at first, but this will only help them in the long run.

6) FULL FAMILY COOPERATION.  I'm calling a family meeting tonight, after Alex is home, to discuss this with everyone.  Brian is sick (will discuss later) and he needs to get with the program.  He has to take his life seriously, and as a family we have to make the right decisions together.  All of us have to be on the same page.  Brian is actually the one I worry most about.  He is going to kick and scream, but I will plead with him to do this, because his life literally depends on it.

7) FINALLY, FOLLOW THROUGH.  I'm 30 years old,. and not getting any younger.  I am 31 in May, so I'm giving myself until May 26th to have completed the following goals.

1) Start on the above 7. (21 days becomes a habit, plenty of time to start these goals)

2) Lose at LEAST 5 lbs (that gives me all of April and most of May to lose 5 lbs - or more)

3) Get on the road to a healthy lifestyle change - for all of us.  

I'm posting a before picture, and I will post an after picture on May 26th.  

According to my scale, I'm at 215 right now.  I certainly don't feel 215 or look it, but I believe it's close to that.  I'd like to lose at least 50 lbs in a year, and that brings me down to 165 which I've researched is perfect for my height and body.  I'm hoping to lost at least 5 lbs a month, but I know 3-5 is the norm.  I'll blog as soon as I receive the products, and try to keep blogging daily after that, to keep track of my progress.  I may be back to blog about other things as many things are changing right now, and writing is a great outlet.

The time is now......I hope it isn't another empty promise.